To Russia, on Pride and Prejudice

So I suppose all of you have heard by now: things are not looking good for the Russian orphans trapped by politics and the American families trying to adopt them. An update with some explanations, the information we have now with how this affects us, and a bit of an editorial are long overdue. Here you have it:

The Politics
On November 1, 2012 the bilateral agreement went into affect between Russia and the United States.  This agreement, among other things, called for greater and more in depth pre-adoption training on the part of American families adopting and also allows Russia to have greater oversight in the post-adoption placement of their children--meaning they should have "access" to see how these kids are doing in their American homes. The bilateral agreement also stipulated that, should either party wish to pull out of the agreement, a one year notice was required.

In December the United States passed the Magnitsky act which, to the best of my knowledge bans Russian citizens who have known human rights violations from entering the US and also freezes their American assets. In retaliation, just before the New Year, Moscow passed a bill designed to retaliate against the Magnitsky act.  One small amendment of this bill, which notably did not get added on until the bill had already made much headway in the Russian parliament, was a ban on adoption of Russian children by US citizens. Much to the shock and dismay of many around the country, including many Russian officials and Russian citizens, the bill was passed overwhelmingly and was signed into law by President Putin effective on January 1, 2013.  The Russian officials who endorsed the bill sited the abuse and/or death of 19 (out of thousands and thousands) of Russian adopted children brought to the USA in the past decades as reason for their support of the amendment.  

This bill is a domestic law, and as such it (apparently) overrides the "bilateral" agreement that was put forth in November which I referenced above and thus the Russian government does not feel the need to honor the "one year notice" clause given in the bilateral agreement. At the time of the signing of the bill there were somewhere between 26 and 50 kids in Russia who were "legally" in the custody of their American parents (meaning the Americans had passed the 2nd and final court hearing in Russia) but who were in the mandated 30 day waiting period before they could legally be taken to the US. At the time it was said that these children would not be allowed to leave the country and would be returned to the orphanages and the Americans sent home.

The Progress
There has been little progress made in negotiations on this bill, but not for the USA's lack of trying. We have had 2 conference calls with the state department. They are actively working to try to urge Russians to allow those cases who are already in process (i.e. have a submitted Russian dossier) to continue in the spirit of the "one year clause" of the bilateral agreement. Russia has gone back on their initial word about those 26-50 children and the supreme court recently issued a statement saying that all of those children who have passed the 2nd court prior to January 1, 2013 would be allowed to leave the country with their American parents. So far 19 of those children have successfully exited Russia. More will undoubtedly leave in the next few weeks as the regional courts have been given the "ok" to process adoption decrees and passports for these children. There has been no word thus far on the rest of those families in process to adopt from Russia--i.e. anyone who has not yet had 2 court dates. There are ongoing attempts by the state department (including a recent letter from Hillary Clinton to the Russian Parliament) urging them to allow those families in progress to continue. However, nothing official has been stated and it is my perception, though I do not know it to be fact, that the overall sentiment in the Russian government is not looking good for us.

Where we stand
Our adoption agency has urged us, on multiple attempts, to stay the course. They truly believe that we will be allowed to process our adoption, they just believe it will take months to get it sorted out. They have worked in Russia for decades and so I have some trust in them. However, I am deeply concerned by the general lack of support from the Russian government and I am not very optimistic.

In a very interesting, and rather depressing, turn of events, I found out a few weeks ago from our adoption agency that they have identified a little girl for us and her information is in our file. They informed us that she was coming available for referral in January and we would have received her information to view this month.  We were so, so close to getting to see our (potential) daughter. Tim and I now wonder if we can be considered in the category of people who have gotten a referral but have not yet a court date since it appears that the Russian adoption people released her information to our adoption agency as a referral who then put it in our file, to be tabled until after the holidays. We have not gotten word yet as to whether or not we would be considered to have already received a referral, and frankly, this does not really matter as not even people who have received a referral and traveled for one court day have been allowed to continue with their adoption. We continue to wait for Russia to make some kind of official announcement as to whether or not our adoption can proceed, but I expect this will take months.

Because many of you are wondering, yes, yes, we will lose the $15,000 that we have already put into this process. We will lose all the emotional energy, all the hope, and all the time we put into this. But it is not about the money. It is not about the time. Its about this little girl, still waiting in Russia, who was supposed to go to our family. She is still sitting in a Russian orphanage, being fed watered down tea and coffee instead of milk, watered down oatmeal and soup, getting more malnourished by the passing month. She is not developing her language skills, her motor skills like she should. I believe that the Russian orphanage workers are wonderful, kind hearted good intentioned people, but they cannot love each child like they need to be loved for proper development.  This little girl is getting far, far more punished than we are--as I sit here by the fire place, with tons of toys from our two, healthy, well adjusted children on the floor around me. The Russian children--not the American families--are the real losers here.

Our plans
Well, this royally screwed up our future plans. We had originally planned that I would delay residency by one year and stay home with all 3 kids once we brought our girl home from Russia. But now...it looks like I have to proceed with residency. We have researched other international adoption alternatives, and found several good ones, but none will be so quick as to be completed in such a timely manner as to be reasonable to delay residency. The same thing was told to us about domestic adoption options. I definitely think that we will adopt (hopefully internationally) in the future, but with residency looming it's not smart to start that process until after we have moved. Once we start a process, pick another country, etc, etc it will likely be years until the adoption is final. In the meantime, we will wait out Russia and see what happens and continue to pray for a miracle. Many have asked us (and some said rather nonchalantly) whether or not we would just have another biological child. The answer is most certainly of course. I am not waiting 2-4 years until I can add another child to my family (if I can help it), but I would really rather that tomorrow Russia called me and said that we could bring this little girl home from the orphanage.  I have become so invested in this process I hate to just nonchalantly say, "oh well, we'll just have another baby."  That, and (let's be honest) I totally believe Tim and I can make only boys.

My thoughts
I believe it goes without saying that I am upset, outraged, in shock, utter disbelief. Perhaps I have too much optimism (or denial) in saying that there is a small part of me that believes Russia will get it in gear and allow us to finish. I cannot believe that their government has decided to sacrifice their most vulnerable children for pride and a political statement.

But this is sin. This is the perfect picture of sin. This is the same sin that allows a young man to walk into an elementary school and indiscriminately shoot 6 year old children. The same sin that causes parents to neglect and abuse their children--landing them in orphanages or foster homes around the world. The same sin that causes broken, damaged, and lost relationships with family and friends.  Even the same sin that has caused the death and abuse of 19 adopted Russian children here in America. his is the same sin that is in my heart, my husband's heart, my children's heart. I do not mean to say that the Russians passing this bill is equivalent to Matthew hitting Samuel after we tell him not to, but I do mean to say that in the sinful world we live in, anything is possible. Sin drives men towards all sorts of evil. Pride. Greed. Retribution. Selfishness are the root of much conflict and evil.

In 12th grade English class I had to do a project on "the human condition."  This is it. The ugly part of it. Sure, there are wonderful, wholesome, feel good parts. I believe it was Anne Frank who said that "in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."  That may be true, Ms. Frank, but I think you of all people would have to admit that, even if we are really good at heart, we have a remarkable ability to act on our pride and selfishness in ways that hurt, damage, and (in your case) destroy others. History continues to paint pictures of prideful, selfish men (and women) who, for their own gain and due to their own prejudices, sacrifice the most vulnerable around them.  

And so, I continue to look to the One who will one day wipe sin from our world.

Come, Lord Jesus, Come.

The changing vision of Elizabeth

Sigh.  Wait, let me do it again.  Sigh.

If you are reading this thinking that you will glean some insight for your own adoption journey as you are contemplating taking the leap, I will give you my most important piece of advice yet.

Stop. Run. Have your own babies, or steal them from a neighbor, a friend, a relative. Foster some, adopt from America.  But do not, under any circumstances, wake up one morning and turn to your husband and say, "honey, lets adopt a baby from...Russia...Ethiopia...China...Guatamala...Ukraine...Thailand....Pakistan.  Just don't.  Resist the humanitarian urge.

If that did not deter you, then my second piece of advice is this:

Have no expectations.  If they give you a time frame, double it.  If they give you an age range, triple it. If they give you a gender, think the opposite.   Do not try to plan your life, picture your child, or make any plans for the presence of the child in your family until that child has been in your family for at least 3 months. Maybe longer. Just to be safe.

This whole process has been so unbelievable its unexplainable.

When we started this process...18 months ago, we were told that we should have the girl in our home 1 year later.  Well...18 months later, we don't even have a referral.  Some idiot woman from Tennessee put her son on a plane back to Russia and ruined any sense of timeliness we'd hope to have in this process.  Russia came to a grinding halt.  First, they told us we'd have to take 3 trips instead of 2.  Then, they tell us there were no referrals happening. Then, they told us we had to do all this new required (additional) training and a few weeks ago we dropped everything to go to Chicago and get it done. I think the theme of this process has been "hurry up and wait.''  Last November we rushed to get our dossier in before the end of the year so we'd get on the wait list early. That was 1 year ago.  Then we got a referral 7 months later and we rushed to get the child evaluated only to turn her down.  Then they told us we had to hurry, hurry, do this training immediately because there are no referrals without them. So we hurried to Chicago. We hurried through some online training courses. We hurried to order this book we needed. And we got that all in last week. Then we heard there were some referrals coming available in November. But we also heard our dossier was expiring (the one we submitted a year ago). So..hurry up and get it done. Hurry up and re-do the forms, the notaries, the certifications. Tim's boss left work in the middle of the day to get an employment verification taken first to the bank and then to the courthouse (remember, we are in CO, we can't do any of this in OH) and my dad had to drive up to our house in Dayton and fed ex copies of our passports overnight to our adoption agency. Tim drove around like crazy in CO getting this together. We sent our new, updated dossier just before November so we could hopefully get a November referral.

So...when we came down from the mountain (literally) on our hike today and Tim is on the phone walking towards me and smiling, I knew he was on the phone with our adoption agency. This was it. Finally.

Wrong. Instead, now, they say that we will be waiting over a year for a referral of a girl under 2.

WHAT?!?!?

BUT...

If we are willing to make a decision to accept a child up to age 3 (read: the oldest she can be when we bring her home to the USA is 2 years 11 months old) then we can get a referral in the "beginning of the year" which I finally found out will be either February or March. (read: 3-4 more months of waiting...)

So..hurry up! Make this decision! We need to know! We will have to redo your paperwork ASAP. No big deal. We're just totally changing everything we've imagined about this adoption. Adopting a baby and adopting a toddler are two very different things. So we talked about it..weighed our options...for all of about 30 minutes...because it was almost close of business in Ohio. The emotional challenges a 2 year old and a 1 year old faces from being in an orphanage are huge, and I do not pretend to be ignorant of the potential behavioral and emotional challenges bringing home an orphaned and poorly cared for 2 year old will present to our family.

But, here we are, hurrying now to redo our paperwork by Monday to allow us to adopt a child up to her 3rd birthday. Only to wait again..for 3-4 more months.

I feel incredibly at peace and incredibly unsettled about this decision all that the same time, but we have until February or March to change the vision we have for little Elizabeth Claire (insert Russian name here) Larson and to prepare ourselves for what this will look like when we bring her home next summer(?)

I am very thankful I now have some kind of timeline, but if the the last 18 months have taught me anything, it's that any expectations I carry are really quite laughable.

God, I hope this works out. I hope that somewhere in Russia right now is our daughter and that in 3-4 months we will get to see her picture and travel to Russia to meet her.

So...again, I implore you: make babies or steal babies. It's really the best way to go.

Two competing desires

You are probably wondering how on earth I'm going to adopt a child from Russia and finish medical school and start residency. The answer is, very simply, I'm not. I can't.  Even if I theoretically could work out the time off for trips to Russia, I just cannot justify bringing home a child from an orphanage who has had like no love or attention or consistency in her whole life and who most likely did not win the genetic lottery and say, "so sorry, sweetie. I'm going to work 80 hours a week."  No way. As much as I want to just keep pushing on through the very long and tumultuous process of medical school and residency, I just cannot be that selfish. She needs to bond with me.  And...really...staying home with my kids for a year or 8 months or something will probably help to relieve some of the mommy guilt I feel for working so much. I'm hoping to stay home with them (and I'm hoping I will love it...but will not love it too much, so that in 2 years, when I'm an intern in residency I can remember that I do, really, want to work.)

But...

The adoption is so uncertain and I just can't stop medical school. I have to continue with the process of applying to residency, of continuing my rotations, until the adoption is as certain as certain can be (Ideally, when she's living in our house) But the longer and longer we wait for a second referral (hopefully the next one will be healthy child!) the more frustrated Tim and I become at the uncertainty we are faced with. We are coming up on residency interviews and in February we will provide our ranked list of schools to "the match" and in the middle of March we will receive a lovely envelope telling us where we will be living, and at that point I am legally and contractually obligated to go to that program.  I'm not entirely certain of the problems that will present if I call them and say, "actually...can I come in 2014?" but I think there could me many..depending on the school. And I'm really hoping to not be in that place.  Plus, there is a huge part of me that WANTS to finish and match and become a doctor so that I can get through residency and start making money and working normal hours instead of making no (or very little) money and working terrible hours. Sigh....

But...

The adoption takes 4-6 months to be totally complete from the time we get a referral. And it's October. And we have no good referral. And Russia closes down from Dec 15- Jan 15. So...you do the math.  Our time is limited and we are trying to pursue to very life changing things at the time same time that...in the end...will likely be mutually exclusive in the short term.

If we have to move before the adoption is complete, we cannot proceed with the adoption anymore because our homestudy was for our particular house. And we are not applying to residency programs in Dayton. So we go back to day 1, a year and a half ago, and lose all that money. Which is a lot of money. Trust me.

With each passing day we become more anxious for a good referral, not only because we long to have a daughter but also because we long to know what our future holds.

Pray for us, as we deal with discouragement at how very long this process has become.

To Russia with Engraged Fury

I have said this many times, but the international adoption process is just not for the faint of heart. I mean, really, this is ridiculous.

So last Monday was my birthday and for my birthday I was really hoping we would get a call from our adoption agency saying, "we have your daughter!" but...instead...they called and said, "We have more nonsense for you to do!"  Apparently Russia just changed their laws like September 1st and is now requiring more training of adoptive parents before adoptions can be finalized.  This training is not online, like the training we did 1 year ago but has to be "face to face."  So, in a scramble to meet these requirements and not delay the adoption process for their families, our agency is hosting several in person training days that, of course, are mandatory. But these training days are being given for their families all around the country who are adopting, so the trainings are in: Chicago, Washington DC, California, and Arizona. Awesome. Cause I don't already have 10 residency interviews that are taking me all over creation. Oh wait, I do.

These trainings are not well timed. The first one is Friday the 19th and Saturday the 20th.  Our prior plans were for my to take my Emergency Medicine final exam the 19th and then for us to fly our to Colorado that evening to start my away rotation at the University of Colorado on Monday. So, that won't work.  But the other two trainings are in November, during the time we're in Colorado, when I am supposed to work 6 days a week and only get 2 "sick days" which I am using for interviews at residency programs out there.  So...I can't do the training then, either.  But if we don't do these, we don't adopt. Perfect. So...in a long ordeal I talked to the clerkship director for Emergency Medicine who was less than thrilled about letting me make up the exam and miss the 19th (the last day of the rotation) to do this training. And when I say, "less than thrilled" I mean, she said, "no."  But she did say I could ask the Student Promotions Committee at school and see what they thought. So I did and then a few days later I got a gruntled e-mail from her saying, "well, I don't like this at all, and I don't think it's a good decision, but you can make up the test."  I guess the student promotions committee told her to suck it up and let me make up the test. I think, after two children during medical school and being in the top 20% of my class, I've earned their respect. Thank God. I really need them on my side for this adoption. So the clerkship director gave me all these stipulations for making up the test, including "you will receive an incomplete until you make up the test..."  Really? Is that supposed to scare me? Cause....I was expecting that. And then she kept telling me that if I make up the test I will be at a disadvantage because the "emergency medicine material will not be fresh in your mind."  I wanted to reply and say, "Dear Dr:  I am a 4th year. I have had 2 kids. I have yet to fail anything in med school.   I think I can pass your test even if I take it in April. Love, Katherine."  Ridiculous (now, watch me fail...)  I'll tell you, folks, women doctors are another breed of people. I have had so much more trouble with the whole kid, pumping, adoption, etc business from women during med school instead of men.

So...anyway....we are going to Chicago for this training Oct 19 and 20th. Two long days of ridiculous training. And to mention, my schedule until then is as follows:
Oct 4 (today) through October 8: work
October 10 through 12: work
October 13: Matthew's party
October 14: work night shift
October 16: Fly to Wisconsin for my first residency interview
October 17th: return from Wisconsin
October 18th: drive to Chicago
October 20: return from Chicago
October 21: fly to Colorado to live for 4 weeks.

Someone please tell me when I'm going to see my kids.

So...Russia...with your stupid laws stemming from the stupid woman who sent her son back to Russia: you better start giving me a referral instead of giving me more hoops to jump through or I'm going to.....continue to post blog posts about how annoyed I am.

Love, Katherine

One Month Later...

Well, it's been just over a month since we got and subsequently turned down our referral from Russia.  I've had lots of people ask us how we are doing and how much longer it will be so I thought i'd post.

It feels like such a long time ago that we got a referral, it's really hard to believe its only been like 5 or 6 weeks. It's been a hard wait, because patient has never been my strong point.  I was doing quite well waiting, until we got that referral and saw that little girl's picture and realized how badly I want this to happen.  I pray every day that we'll get a referral soon, within the next month, but I know that such timing is not my own...  It's hard to wait when my longing to meet my daughter and to have her home has grown, but we don't really have a choice.

We are making so many plans for this fall:
Next week, September 7th, I finish up my family medicine clerkship. Then, September 22 I take step 2 of my boards, then the 24th (my birthday), I begin my Emergency medicine clerkship.  Sometime about October 20th we manage to move the entire family, plus our temporary babysitter (thanks, Alicia!) and likely the dog across the country to Denver, CO for me to do my subinternship in internal medicine at University of Colorado Hospital.  Then, around November 16th, we again somehow manage to move the entire family across the country to Chapel Hill, NC so I can do a an elective in endocrinology at UNC Hospital.  Then, a month later, we return home to Dayton and it's pretty much Christmas.

So...it's not like we have a tone of time and space to sit around waiting for Russia to call, but still, I long for them to call.  I tell Tim all the time that instead of doing any of the above activities, I'd rather go to Russia. So we'll see. I don't have any control over when they call or what I have to miss.

As far as timing, we really have no idea.  I haven't been given any time frame or any information other than to say that referrals coming out of Russia are "slow."  A passing comment was made to Tim from the adoption agency that she would be surprised if we didn't have a referral by November. But who knows, really. That still seems like a long time away to me, so it doesn't offer much consolation.

I'd say my main emotions are just impatience.  I am also filled with a deep longing that leaves me, at times, feeling empty and sad.  But I am so in love with all 3 of my boys that I am not weighed down by my sadness.  Occasionally we'll be driving or running or cooking and I'll turn to Tim, "Timmy?" "yes?" "I want a referral."  

Please, oh please, Russia.  Call us soon!

To our friends with gratitude

I just wanted to write out a quick post to express our sincere gratitude to all of our friends who have reached out to us in the wake of turning down the referral last week.  I was overwhelmed and sincerely surprised at the number of e-mails, text messages, facebook messages, and phone calls we received...many from people I have not spoken with since high school. I had no idea so many people read our blog! Thank you to all who are praying for us to get another quick referral and for all the kind words of empathy and condolences.

In the aftermath of turning down this referral we have also received many words of affirmation that our decision was the right one for our family. I cannot say how much these mean to me, as I have been questioning our decision. I know that I do not want a fetal alcohol syndrome child, but I also know that I want a daughter, and without meeting her it is so difficult to make such a final decision.  But alas, I know in my head that our decision was the right one.

We are now waiting again, and I am definitely a lot more anxious than I was prior to receiving the referral.  I have been fervently praying for a quick referral.  There were so many things that I was uncertain about with the possibility of traveling to Russia so soon, namely what I would have to do about the ever inflexible medical school.  But it's amazing how those things don't matter as much to me after I was so so close to actually traveling to Russia.  We have so many plans (we are going to Colorado for 4 weeks for an elective in October and North Carolina for 4 weeks for an elective in November) and I was so concerned about how the timing of everything would fall.  This no longer concerns me...if I don't get to go because I'm in Russia...at this point I really don't care. 

Matthew says he thinks we will have to wait 3 weeks for another referral.  I hope my 2 year old has foresight I don't know about.

So anyway, friends, thank you so much for all the support you have given us.  Adoption is not for the faint of heart, and I have heard story after story of people losing their children at the last minute, some of them after they had already cared for them for several days.  If this is the only bump we have, I will be surprised and consider myself blessed.  I remind myself often that this child was not taken from me, but rather I chose to turn this referral down.  While it was hard to do so, and I do feel a sense of loss, I can still find hope that we will receive a referral for a healthier child who is a better fit for our family.

It means so much to us that you are choosing to follow our journey.  What a ride it will certainly be. 

To Russia with Devastation

My heart is broken.  The last time I felt this sad was the day and weeks following my 2nd miscarriage.   Because, in some ways, that's what happened.

We spoke today with the doctor at Cincinnati Children's International Adoption Clinic and she said there were many "red flags" about our referral.  While I understand that the child we will receive will highly likely have been exposed to alcohol in the womb, I also understand that there is definitely a "threshold" level at which the baby begins to experience effects, so not every child exposed to alcohol has fetal alcohol syndrome.  However, this child appears at "high risk" according to the doctor, for having fetal alcohol syndrome.  Several of the "indicators" for fetal alcohol syndrome were present in this child: extremely small birthweight, extremely small head size, and continued poor growth with continued poor head size, not all of which can be accounted for by life in an orphanage.  From several things in the medical report the doctor also indicated the child may have been exposed to congenital infections, and drugs.  While the child's facial features were not distinctive for fetal alcohol syndrome, there were a few things that the physician noticed which may or may not have indicated it.  However, given the child's birth history, weight, and growth, there were so many parameters indicating to the doctor that the child had significant alcohol exposure which likely impacted her brain development.  Additionally, the report documented that the mother drank.  Apparently, it is very unusual for the reports to document that the mother drank, because almost all mothers over there drink as it is an accepted social norm.  The doctor said that typically, when it is documented, that is a red flag that the mother drank excessive amounts.

When we started this process, Tim and I decided that we could not accept a child with known or highly suspected fetal alcohol syndrome.  I am about to be a doctor, and I cannot give such a child the parenting she needs if I am a working mother.  I also don't feel I could give my other children the parenting they need if I had a child who required such extended attention.  Long term, the doctor said, she would not expect this little girl to do well.  Also, she indicated that often children with fetal alcohol syndrome have behavioral and learning problems that prohibit them from acquiring the executive decision making skills they need to be fully functional and independent adults. This is just not something Tim and I are equipped to deal with long term, and while we understand that we might get this anyway, either from a biological or adopted child, with no prior indicators, it is a situation we need to avoid if we have the "objective findings" as the doctor called it, ahead of time.

I have to trust the doctor, that she is right and good at her job.  She has seen hundreds of internationally adopted children and is a mom to 3 internationally adopted kids. I have to defer to her expertise and turn down this referral even though I feel like I have been hit by a bus.

This little girl is a strikingly beautiful girl and to look at her picture and know she desperately needs a family and know she is living in an orphanage and tell her "no," well, that just kills me. I feel subhuman. I also feel incredibly unsure of our future. While I was so confidant before that we would get what we wanted, now I find myself saying, "will we ever get a child who fits our family? How long until we get another referral? Am I going to have to wait another 6 months for a referral?"  We were so fortunate to get a referral for such a young child, and I know the chances of that happening again are very, very slim.  So again I feel so uncertain and so sad about having to turn this down.  No one can answer these questions. I just have to trust that things will work out--that what God started in our family, He will complete.  I have said to Tim several times, "maybe we should just accept her, and hope for the best." But Tim keeps reminding me, we have been given enough information to know that hoping probably won't work.  This is a child I am adopting. I cannot send her back, I cannot change my mind. I cannot regret this decision. I am not buying a scarf.  I am not picking a dog out at a shelter.  I cannot adopt her out of guilt. I cannot adopt her because I am afraid that another one will not come along. I cannot adopt her because I long for a little girl. I have to make the right decision for my family and my future.  But in doing so, I feel like I have just killed this child. I pray she finds a wonderful home with a patient mother who can bring her up the way she needs.  Because I loved this little girl.  I fell in love with her.  For 48 hours I was her mother. It's impossible to explain this to you, reading this, how I can see a picture of a child and feel a connection to her as if she is my own, but that is how I feel.  The doctor stated that when she was adopting her 3 kids she also turned down several referrals.  Even though that was 20+ years ago, she said, she still remembers each of those kids she turned down, their names, their pictures, their stories. I suppose this is common.  Perhaps therein lies the miracle of how you can adopt children and love them just as much as your own biological children. 

I am sad.  I have every right to be sad because this is a very, very, sad thing.  The saddest. In a way, it feels like my 3rd miscarriage. That is the only other experience I have had in my life where I felt this profound sense of loss and hopelessness butting up against this very real and very powerful desire to be a mom to another child.

And so, we wait.  More waiting.  And pray that we don't wait another 6 months for a phone call with "Medina, OH" on its caller ID.  And also pray that when we do, that child is a good fit for our family.  A family I spoke with at the adoption picnic in June said that they turned down a referral and that it was 8 months until they received another one.  I asked the mother what the hardest part of her entire adoption process was, bringing home her children, and everything involved and she said that the hardest part was the wait after turning down the first referral.  I get it now.  But alas, here we go.  This time we have no time frame, and that is the most frustrating part of waiting.  I guess, in a way, the analogy of having a miscarriage really works.  The loss of something only magnifies your desire for it more, and makes its absence in your life that much more devastating.

From Russia with Glinda.

Well, it happened.  I did not think it would happen, to be truthful, perhaps the same way as you don't think your wedding will ever happen until you are literally walking own the aisle, or the same way you don't think you'll ever have a baby until you are actually carrying one home.  But nevertheless, while looking at the parrots at the Naples Zoo (of course, we are on vacation), my phone rang and came up as "Medina, OH."  I knew. Here we go. Or not.

I wish I could tell you all this information that I have just read, or post the pictures on here I just received, but there are so many things holding me back.  The main thing being that a year ago, when I began filling out forms and signing my life away, I recall signing that I wouldn't share any information about our referral until she was ours.  The second being that I am not sure we are going to take the child.  But I will share what I can.

The child they called us about is very young, much younger than we had anticipated, which we are incredibly thankful for.   I cannot tell you her real Russian name, but it starts with a G, and reminds me of Glinda, the "good witch" from the Wizard of Oz (or Wicked, which is my preferred reference point.)  And, like people give nicknames to their children in utero, this is what I will call her until we can share her Russian and American name with you.  She was born in December and is just a few weeks older than my newest nephew.  She is coming on 8 months.  I looked through her medical file and I am so thankful that I (almost) am a doctor because I understood the medical jargon they were using and know what the potential problems are as well as the things that are really not problems at all.  For sure, I don't care if she has baby eczema. Our first and foremost concern is that we receive a healthy child.  Since we will undoubtedly have a whole host of challenges with raising her, it is best if her emotional and physical health are as good as can be given her circumstances.  So, we are working with the international adoption clinic at the University of Cincinnati.  There is a doctor there who is trained to review these crazy documents and interpret words, findings, etc in light in the country of origin.  There are a few things on there that I am really unsure of their true meaning given what we know of how these medical records work, so we rely in the consultation of this doctor to tell us if she is healthy.  The doctor will also examine the 2 pictures we received for signs of any genetic syndromes, fetal alcohol syndrome, obvious neurologic problems, etc.  I already scrutinized and don't see anything obvious.  The only thing I will say about her picture is that if we do end up adopting this girl, my hopes of adopting a blue eyed, blonde haired Russian girl will be dashed. Alas, I shall have bigger disappointments in my lifetime.

We also know that this child was referred to another American family who turned her down.  We do not know why as they used a doctor that the adoption agency we are working with does not know.  I do not see any glaring things with her medical record that surprise me or overly concern me, but my training and knowledge are very limited.  There are several things in there that I think would be very concerning to someone if they either had no medical training and were just looking things up, or if they did not have knowledge of how Russian medical diagnoses go with children in orphanages, so part of me thinks that perhaps that family was thinking there was a big problem that is not really a big problem.  Or maybe I am just being overly optimistic. We are going to be putting a lot of weight on the report we get from Cincinnati and are not going to really be making a decision or really even able to talk about making a decision until we get the meeting with Cincinnati.  I have a ton of questions for this doctor.

So....we meet with her on Wednesday afternoon by phone as by then she will have time to review the pictures and medical records that we have already received.  After that Tim and I will have to make a very, very, very gigantic and life altering decision.  Our adoption agency tells us we have until Friday.  No pressure, here, while we are on our family vacation, trying to relax.  No pressure at all. So...by the time I touch down in Dayton with the boys on Saturday, we'll have this decided.

I am trying to not get too attached to this little girl because I might have to tell her no.  And what's funny is that when I looked at her picture my first thought was not, "how cute!" or "my baby!" or "yay!"  My first thought was, "DARN IT! No blonde hair. No blue eyes."  My second thought was, "Thank God, she has a filtrum."  (A sign that she might not be too terribly damaged from alcohol exposure in the womb.)  But, in her defense, I often look at Samuel's eyes and find myself feeling very sad that they are no longer blue. I still love him to pieces.

Fear not, oh blog stalkers, we will update again later this week with our decision. I will do my best to update my blog regularly so you can see the whole process.

And...since I can't share this girl's picture, or name, or birthweight (she was VERY tiny) or anything with you, I will show our fun vacation.  I will try to post more from our camera, this is all I have on my phone.

Ratified!

On Tuesday the United States and Russian governments ratified the long awaited bilateral agreement regarding Russian adoptions from Americans.  This agreement was put to the government because of few adoptions gone horribly wrong.  According to an article I read from the Washington Post, the Russian government has stated that 19 Russian adopted children have suffered abuse or death at their hands of their American adoptive parents.  When that crazy woman in 2010 sent her adopted son back to Russia alone, there was outrage within Russia at the adoptions that take place between the two countries.  This agreement, now in place, requires all adoptions to go through a certified Russian agency and requires that agency to monitor the child's upbringing in the US.  This doesn't affect us at all because we were already in compliance with those laws.  It also requires the Russians to provide more medical and social history to prospective adoptive parents.  I am not sure how much this will change as much is unknown about these children's backgrounds.  But what we do think this will mean for us is that things should speed up again.  We have now been waiting 6 months for our referral and we began this process 1 year ago.  We continue to wait...hopefully we will receive news soon of more referrals being handed out as a result of this agreement.

In June we went to the picnic for our adoption agency.  It was encouraging to meet the families who have adopted and see their children.  By and large, the Russian kids were as I expected.  Most were seemingly normal with reported issues from their parents such as attachment problems, sleeping problems, and difficulty controlling emotions.  A few kids I saw had noticeable fetal alcohol syndrome (and by a few I mean 2 out of probably close to 75 to 100.)  But, other than that and one child with an impressive hearing aid, no other health issues were obvious.  I think what was so encouraging about all this was seeing that my expectations for our daughter are reasonable.  Of interesting note, probably 60-70% of the adopted Russian kids were boys, and of those boys, over half were named either Alexander or Andrew.   I think a lot of families adopt older kids so they keep their Russian names. We may keep one of our girl's names as a second middle name but we have a very American name awaiting her.

And now we begin month 7 of waiting...

Waiting...

It has been so long since I gave an adoption update. I thought I would use some downtime during my call day to do it.

The reason I haven't said much is there isn't much to say.  Let's see.  Everyone asks when we will get our daughter.  We still don't know. Basically, when we sent in our dossier (which is basically the docs that register us with Russia) they said that for a young, healthy, girl, we should expect to wait 6-9 months for the first trip.  They told us at the time that this was usually a longer time period than what normally happened. In fact, when I was talking with the international coordinator at our agency (Building Blocks) she said that the longest they have had a family wait recently for a young girl was 7 months.  BUT...this was all before things in Russia slowed down due to political hesitancy with international adoptions. The crazy woman who adopted a boy without fully understanding the consequences of him having grown up in an orphanage and sent him back to Russia alone, with a note, has royally screwed up everything for the hundreds, if not thousands, of willing, excited, and realistic families who are trying to bring him a child to love.  Meanwhile there are thousands of kids in horrible orphanages who stays there are being needlessly prolonged. But, unfortunately, my opinion doesn't matter. Since then, things have slowed down.  Andrea, the international coordinator at Building Blocks said that things are moving, by more slowly.  However, she also said she expected our referral to still be in the 6-9 month time frame.  I don't know how she could possibly know that.  Maybe she does or maybe she is just trying to make me feel better.  I am more inclined to believe the latter, but I am hopeful that she is right.

We are coming up on 5 months of waiting. So we will see.  Tim and I are both hopeful we will get a call in August or September, but again, we just have no idea.  My life is definitely crazy enough now and I am enjoying having 2 kids, so I am not necessarily sitting around every moment in agony waiting to add another child to my family.  However, I have begun to anticipate our daughter and I do hope they call in the next few months. I cannot imagine the torture that this waiting period must be for families who have no children and are waiting for an adopted child.

The other news is that Russia recently changed their laws (who said they could do that?) and they now require 3, one week trips to Russia instead of 2 trips, one longer and one shorter.  We are less than thrilled with this change because we are going to have to spend thousands and thousands (and thousands?) of dollars more to buy plane tickets for a third trip not to mention all those painful hours sitting on planes.  We are still trying to figure out what to do with the kids during these trips.  We are not allowed to bring the kids into the orphanage, so if we bring them (or even just Samuel) we require very generous babysitters to join us on our international excursion.  I am definitely planning on bringing the whole family for the last trip, when we pick her up, and I'd like to bring Samuel for the first trip, also, since I will most definitely still be nursing him.  But a billion hours on a plane is a lot for me, let alone my infant or my (very) active 2 1/2 year old or 3 year old.

So that's all for now. We are planning on going to a picnic in the northern part of Ohio that our adoption agency holds in a few weeks.  We are hoping to meet a lot of families who have adopted from Russia (and more importantly meet their children).  We sure could use some stories, advice, and some first hand look at the kids that have been adopted. We are excited for our mini vacation (swimming, playgrounds, and a trip to the zoo!)  We will have more to say after the trip.

To Russia with Apprehension

I don't watch TV. In fact, Tim and I don't even have cable. And I don't read the newspaper or visit cnn.com or any other news site. When Whitney Houston died, people on facebook told me. Jo Paterno would still be alive if I hadn't been facebook friends with Penn State fans. So anyway, to say I am not up to date on news is an understatement. Most of my news comes from what Tim tells me when we go running today and talk about anything to pass the time. So when I got an e-mail from our adoption agency saying:

We are aware of the recent news stories from Russia and the US press
stating that the Foreign Ministry has called for a suspension of international adoptions. There is a related story stating that some regions in Russia have unofficially stopped working on international adoptions.

I was suddenly a little concerned that I wasn't more of a news person. The first e-mail we got just freaked me out and didn't provide much information. The second e-mail we got also freaked me out but provided more information. Basically, here is what our adoption agency has found to be true, at the elementary level of my understanding.

In 2011 there was a "bilateral agreement" signed by Russia and the US that was meant to help facilitate international adoption of Russian children to the US. There is, I guess, legislation that is to be passed as a result of this agreement. However, for reasons unknown to me, it has yet to be passed. Russian elections are scheduled for March sometime and I suppose after that they are expecting that the new people in office will pass the necessary legislation pertaining to this document. It is my understanding that this is a positive thing for us and not a negative thing.

So, again, for reasons unknown to me, the Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs has called for a temporary termination of adoptions between the two countries until the State Duma (big boss man) can pass the legislation pertaining to the document. However, it is my understanding that none of this will happen until after things have settled after the new elections. BUT, all hope is not lost because apparently, the Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs does not actually have the authority to hault adoptions (go figure) and this authority only lies in the hands of the State Duma (big boss man) or Russian President (biggest boss man). Neither of them have called for any type of change to the current adoptions. BUT, is is possible that in unity with the ministry of foreign affairs, the regional courts may decide to participate in an unofficial suspension of adoptions to the US. I guess they can do this? Go figure.

So, we're not really sure where this leaves us for a number of reasons. First, we do not know if our region Vladivostok will choose to participate in an unofficial but apparently legal suspension. I am hesitant to check with our adoption agency about our specific region because we have so long to referral anyway. Which brings me to my next point: we are currently only 1 month in to our probable 6-9 month wait (which will actually become close to one year until everything is final), so with regards to legislation being passed or not passed or things being held or not held, we have a lot of time for that to happen. This, of course, freaks me out because I feel very vulnerable to anything that may happen.

Of course, my biggest fear is that we will not get our daughter. But I have no basis for this fear quite yet. But "assume the worst" can sometimes be my middle name. My second, and perhaps more reasonable fear, is that it will delay us getting our daughter. Or, the third option is, we will not be affected at all. Of course, we are hoping and praying for the latter.

They say international adoption is a tumultuous, emotional, and scary ride. They were not kidding. We have so much invested in this. My heart has already been given to our unknown daughter. As terrified as I am about what lies ahead, I am so emotionally invested in bringing this little girl home to us. She is already my child and my family and my heart will not be complete without her.

So we hang on for her and hope and pray that she will find her way to our home in a timely manner. And we hope and pray for all the other children who are waiting in orphanages in poor conditions to meet their forever families. We pray that the bureaucracy ruling over them will not delay their time until they are loved an included in a family.

Please join us in prayer not only for our adoption for for all others in process, that courts would not suspend adoptions and that things will continue normally prior to and through the elections next month.

To Russia for waiting

Well, we got word today that our documents are being sent to Russia. They have assigned us a region of Russia to where they are sending our documents. We have been assigned the region of Vladivostok. This is one of the most common regions for families to be receive their referrals from, as they are currently processing very quickly. We have to rush to get a document filled out and signed for the Vladivostok region. It is my understanding that there are many orphanages in this region. I spoke with a family in the beginning of they process and they adopted three beautiful children from this region. They all had blonde hair, which is surprising to me considering the region is most definitely in Asia.

I am excited to get this news because now I know where our little girl will come from and also where we will be traveling to. I looked it up, and Vladivostok is in eastern Russia, near China, Korea, and Japan. This is a little sad to me because when we fly we have to 1st fly to Moscow to get some paperwork done in the capital....a little out of the way. It's like saying, "well, I have to fly to Rome first, just to fill out paperwork, and then I'll fly to Chicago to get the child." We met a flight attendant on our trip to Peru who was Russian and she said that if we fly through Alaska, it won't be too bad but that if we do indeed have to fly to Moscow, which I think we do, we're looking at about a 10 hour flight to get from the states to Moscow and then another 10 hour flight to get to the region where we need to go. Oh, and we're planning on bringing both boys with us. Awesome. And, the average temperature in January is about 8 degrees. I think in August it's 69 degrees. So if we go any time from October through April (how can you not when you take two trips) we will freeze our tails off.



Never a dull adventure in our family, and this will be no different. I am still so excited to know where our little girl will be coming from. So now we fill out a few more forms, including our immigration forms for us and our daughter. And then we wait. They have told us the wait for a young girl (and we have stressed we will not accept a referral for a girl over 14 months due to the complexities of adopting older children) is 6-9 months, but sometimes is shorter. I think they are always so conservative when they give people times because it is so hard to predict. I am not going to start "counting" our months until mid January because of the Christmas holidays things move very slowly.

And so...for the next couple of weeks we hurry up. Then we wait.

In other news, I have been told that the details of the most craziest wedding ever need to be made public. When I have a moment (or ten) I will blog about Matthew's Peruvian adventure, Tim's really (really) bright turquoise shirt, getting attacked by fire ants, mangos falling on the bride, the worlds biggest parenting blunder that resulted in the loss of a wedding ring, and so much more.

Homestudy Complete...

Well, I might be having my first of many adoption freak outs. We received notice that our homestudy is complete. Finally. Since I haven't had time yet to chronicle you through our entire process, and I am admittedly updating you in the middle of it, I'll give a little explanation.
Basically, the homestudy is the all necessary check that needs to be done on our home and our family to make sure that we are fit to bring in and raise our daughter. It was a lot of what you'd expect: a fire inspection, discussion with a social worker on our families, our backgrounds, our religious beliefs, our beliefs on discipline, how we met, why we are adopting, what type of child we want to adopt, child abuse clearances from both Ohio and Georgia (apparently Georgia does not have a child abuse registry, don't you feel safe now, down there in the ATL?), FBI fingerprints, our financial income, and yearly budget. And then there was some of what you wouldn't really expect, but kind of makes sense: Chester's shot records, the school district we live in and all the schools our kids will attend, the distance to the closest fire department and hospital, medical examinations for us and Matthew, the confirmation that we do indeed have running water (Matthew got to flush every toilet in the house for the social worker. He was so excited.) And then a few things that you think, "really?" What day do we take out our trash? How close is it to the nearest playground? Never once did she open a single cabinet or drawer. We had three very gracious friends who wrote wonderful letters of reference for us. All in all, we met with our social worker 3 times, visited our local notary at least 3 times, and filled out a million forms. We began this process during my surgery rotation in August when I was just 9 or so weeks pregnant. They say it takes about 8 weeks to complete, which seems right in our case, even with my insane schedule.

And now.... the homestudy will be signed, certified, and apostilled (so many legal things are at play for documents involved with international adoption) and it will be approved by the agency that works directly with Russia and our adoption agency.

So, what's next? Russia closes down for Christmas from December 15-January 15 (they have adopted the college schedule apparently) and the next step in the process for us is submitting our dossier documents. These are the set of documents that go to Russia and that put us in line to get a child. Once we submit our dossier document we will wait 6-9 months (or more or less, we never know....) for them to call us and tell us they have a little girl for us. At this point, we will still be months away from bringing her home if we indeed choose to adopt her (we can turn down the referral based on medical issues or other issues we might find.) So, Tim and I have decided that we want to submit our dossier to Russia before they close down in December. This means that our documents have to go to the agency that works directly as the liaison between our adoption agency and Russia by the end of November. That agency will then get all documents to Russia before they close for the holidays. This means that Tim and I will be very busy in the next couple of weeks trying to get all our ducks in a row. We are hoping we can make it before the deadline so that we don't have to wait until January to send things to Russia. We are both terrified and excited that we are at this new step. I will document more about the dossier process later on.

Please keep us in your prayers if you think about it, that everything would fall in place so that we can get the dossier submitted before the end of this month. We are not the only people who have to do things in a timely manner for this to happen, and with Thanksgiving fast approaching, lots of offices will be closed.

Step Number 1: Where

Starting the process of international adoption was somewhat daunting. Where do you even begin? Well, Google, obviously. So I did this and found Holt International's website to be particularly helpful. Holt international is an adoption agency that has the license to practice in most (if not all) states. Rule number one is that the adoption agency has to be licensed in the state in which you reside. Holt is a huge agency and adopts from multiple countries. We are not adopting through Holt, but I used them and a few other large adoption agencies (as well as phone conversations with their adoption counselors) to learn about the different countries that participate with the US in international adoption as well as the rules and regulations particular to each country. As I researched the countries available through Holt I found one piece of startling information: it is so difficult to adopt an infant. Most countries do not adopt infants and may not start adoption until age 3 or even 5. Countries like the Ukraine, Peru, Romania, the Philippines...all these countries do not adopt infants. In fact, after talking on the phone with an adoption counselor at Holt I found that the only countries where infants (considered any child under the age of 2) are placed for adoption are Russia, Ethiopia, Korea, China, and Thailand. Here is what I learned on each:

Russia:
In Russia the children are kept in orphanages where conditions are not that great. They are not eligible for international adoption until they are 8 months old in order to give the local Russians time to adopt. At 8 months they can be placed into international adoption, but because of paperwork and traveling done by the adoptive family, the time from when they first meet their family at 8 months until the time when they go home to their new country is typically 4-6 months. This means that the adoptive family is bringing home a child AT YOUNGEST 1 year of age. Typically, only boys are available at 8 months, and girls become available a little older, closer to 10, 11, or 12 months. The total time for the process in Russia is about 9 months for an older boy (the shortest time) and about 14-16 months for a young girl (the longest time). You can select your gender.

Ethiopia:
Ethiopia is very similar to Russia. The children live in orphanages and are brought home a few months earlier than in Russia, so you may be bringing home a child who is 11 months old rather than over a year. The timeframe is about the same as Russia. The children are also kept in orphanages. I do believe it is also easier to get a boy here. You can select your gender.

China:
If you want to adopt a healthy infant girl China is the place for you. That is, if you have 5 years to wait. In China infant girls can be brought home I believe around 6-10 months old, but the current wait time in China is about 5 years (for a healthy infant). I believe 3 years if you are lucky. If you are open to children with special needs the wait it less and you will most likely get a boy.

Korea:
Korea is the most lucrative place to adopt a baby. Infants are given to their forever families around 6 months. Adoptive families do not have to travel to Korea if they do not wish, as the child is sent over on a plane with an escort to JFK airport where their new family meets them. The children in Korea are kept in foster homes, and the mothers in Korea that give up their children are kept in a home during their pregnancy and have supervised pregnancies. The moment babies are born, they are placed in individual homes with foster families. The children coming out of Korea are healthy and have virtually no emotional and physical developmental problems since they are cared for in utero and are placed in foster care immediately. The time frame to adopt from Korea is about 2 years. They have restrictions on the adoptive families. Minimum years of marriage is 3, maximum number of children in the home is 4, and the youngest child in the home must be 2. You cannot specify gender. Oh, and you have to live in one of the following: CA, KS, MO, NE, SD, NJ, OR, or TX. If not, tough luck. Why Korea does not adopt to people in other states is beyond me.

Thailand:
Is much like Korea except with the nonsense state requirements. They have similar rules about marriage (3 years) and state the youngest child in home currently must be 2. However, you cannot have more than 2 children in the home when you apply for adoption. Children here are also well cared for and are placed in foster care at birth. The wait is long and is currently running 3-5 years. I am unsure about gender selection. Children are also young (6-9 mo).

So, given the fact that Tim and I definitely wanted an infant (I was wanting a child around 6 months, but it became clear to me this would not be possible) and that we wanted to get this done ASAP our options suddenly became Russia and Ethiopia. In fact, when I began searching for adoption agencies that were specifically in Ohio, it seemed these were the only two countries doing infant adoptions with these agencies. We are still lamenting the stupid state restrictions with Korean adoptions because given the age and amazing health of those children, I would have gladly waited the two years. I guess we'll let them know when we move to Kansas. Yeah, right.

The decision between Russia and Ethiopia was not that difficult to make. While we could get a child a 1-3 months younger in Ethiopia, I have family heritage in Russia and have always considered Russia as one of the top places I'd want to adopt from. Also, the children are mostly Caucasian, and while we did not begin this process only wanting a child that looked like us, having the option seemed nice. I believe it will be one less thing that our child has to contend with as she tries to find her identity in our family.

In the next post I will talk about the adoption agency we are using, why we chose a girl, and what we are expecting the process to look like. But I think this is enough for now.

Why we are now halfway to Russia

To begin blogging about our adoption of our daughter from Russia I thought it best to answer everyone's question of how in the world we ended up here, scheduled to bring home a baby less than a year after having one biologically. Well, the reason we are here is precisely because we did not think we would be.

We have always wanted to adopt a child internationally. From before we got married this is something Tim and I have discussed as a plan for our family. To be honest, I did not imagine this plan to begin unfolding itself on our second anniversary, but that's what happened. On our second anniversary, in January of this year, Tim and I lost our second pregnancy at about 8 or 9 weeks. Miscarriages happen, we said, and we moved on. Of course, the "moving on" process was not as easy emotionally as I would have liked, but in April we found out we were pregnant again, due Christmas eve. Things went along much better. We saw a healthy baby on ultrasound at 6 weeks and then at 10 weeks. At 11 weeks, one day before I was to take my boards for medical school (only the most important test of medical school) I began bleeding and went to the doctor to find out that our baby at died. We miscarried naturally 3 hours after I finished my test the following day. To say I was devastated is an understatement. Why did this happen? Were we ever going to be able to have another child? What was wrong with me? These and other questions raced through my mind as we got up at 4:30 the next morning for our vacation. Only 5% of couples miscarry two consecutive times and I had a hard time grappling with this statistic. We were unsure of our future and so I told Tim I wanted to begin researching what adoption might look like for our family. At the very least, I thought, it would give me something positive to focus on so I did not enter the pit of despair. It worked. I called a million adoption agencies from the middle of nowhere Vermont. We discussed at length what we wanted, where we wanted to adopt from, and all the other logistical things that come with adoption. I am not one to start something and then back off and so it should be no surprise to anyone reading this that we selected an organization, a country, a gender, an age range, and started the process of adopting. (I will tell you why we chose what we chose in another post). Focusing on this pending child helped ease the pain of the miscarriage and helped me think to a more positive time when that child would be home with us. We began filling our ten million forms (again, I'll tell you about these in another post) and planning for our future with a little Russian girl. Before we had even finished the initial set of forms my morning sickness began and I was shocked to discover we were pregnant again. It turns out we had been pregnant for most of this process and did not know it. But I was skeptical.

I was still so worried we'd lose this baby, too, so we kept going with the process. At about 14 weeks pregnant, when I had begun to contemplate the possibility that maybe this pregnancy was a good one, we were so invested with the adoption that we could not turn back. We are proceeding as planned because we have already made room in our hearts for our daughter and begun to anticipate her arrival. We will postpone the process for just a few months, which we have already discussed with our agency, in order to ensure that we are not traveling and giving birth at the same time and also to allow me time to finish my 3rd year of medical school. We are hoping to take our first trip to Russia next fall, about one year from now. This seems like a long time for me to wait, but the baby kicks I feel as I write this remind me that perhaps right now a little more time is better. Our hands will be quite full in 20 more weeks.