To our friends with gratitude

I just wanted to write out a quick post to express our sincere gratitude to all of our friends who have reached out to us in the wake of turning down the referral last week.  I was overwhelmed and sincerely surprised at the number of e-mails, text messages, facebook messages, and phone calls we received...many from people I have not spoken with since high school. I had no idea so many people read our blog! Thank you to all who are praying for us to get another quick referral and for all the kind words of empathy and condolences.

In the aftermath of turning down this referral we have also received many words of affirmation that our decision was the right one for our family. I cannot say how much these mean to me, as I have been questioning our decision. I know that I do not want a fetal alcohol syndrome child, but I also know that I want a daughter, and without meeting her it is so difficult to make such a final decision.  But alas, I know in my head that our decision was the right one.

We are now waiting again, and I am definitely a lot more anxious than I was prior to receiving the referral.  I have been fervently praying for a quick referral.  There were so many things that I was uncertain about with the possibility of traveling to Russia so soon, namely what I would have to do about the ever inflexible medical school.  But it's amazing how those things don't matter as much to me after I was so so close to actually traveling to Russia.  We have so many plans (we are going to Colorado for 4 weeks for an elective in October and North Carolina for 4 weeks for an elective in November) and I was so concerned about how the timing of everything would fall.  This no longer concerns me...if I don't get to go because I'm in Russia...at this point I really don't care. 

Matthew says he thinks we will have to wait 3 weeks for another referral.  I hope my 2 year old has foresight I don't know about.

So anyway, friends, thank you so much for all the support you have given us.  Adoption is not for the faint of heart, and I have heard story after story of people losing their children at the last minute, some of them after they had already cared for them for several days.  If this is the only bump we have, I will be surprised and consider myself blessed.  I remind myself often that this child was not taken from me, but rather I chose to turn this referral down.  While it was hard to do so, and I do feel a sense of loss, I can still find hope that we will receive a referral for a healthier child who is a better fit for our family.

It means so much to us that you are choosing to follow our journey.  What a ride it will certainly be.